Your son doesn’t seem to like sports and spends a lot of time to himself. He doesn’t seem to show any interest in dating any gender how much more the opposite gender. You start to wonder if your teen is gay.

What do you do? You can confront your teen and force them to tell you, but they can deny, deny, deny they are gay.  Your teen is trying to figure out who they are. I’ve referred to this before as identity development. Teens develop their identity in several ways (e.g. morally, ethnically, sexually, etc.).  This process must go at your teen’s pace.  This is crucial especially as more and more young teens are recognizing and becoming comfortable with their sexual orientation before their parent’s have ever given it a thought.

Your teen should be allowed to “come out” or reveal their sexual identity to you. This process should be done on their terms, but this doesn’t mean that there aren’t things you can do to help this process along.

• Language: make it clear that you are supportive of different types of people. This alone will set the stage for your teen to believe that you are open to the thought of whoever they might become.

• Family: if there is a gay relative that has been ostracized, and if you’ve been part of that ostracizing, you might want to reconsider this family member’s relationship with your family and bring them back into the fold.

• Actions: There have been a lot of discussions, marches and measures on the ballot that give you an opportunity as a parent to voice your opinion on gay issues.  When you do, you might want to do so as if you were potentially voting for your own teen’s rights.

Sometimes parents are so anxious about their teen being gay, they use abusive language to scare their teen into rethinking this lifestyle. Unfortunately for these parents, this does not work. Your teen is most likely to be happy when you support them in becoming their authentic self. Their true self irrespective of who that is. Don’t make your issues your teen’s issues. They have enough going on in their journey to adulthood.

Related posts:

1. Gay Teen: A Parent Introductory Guide
2. 3 Reasons to let your Teen Date under your Supervision
3. How Can You Possibly Know Your Bi?