TheTeenDoc.com » teen friends

One Teen Friend

teendoc — Fri, 24 Feb 2012 11:00:09 +0000

“This girl I thought was my friend spread this rumor that I was sleeping around. My other male friend believed the rumor! Now, I feel like I have no friends at school.”

Of course your teen is stronger than they think they are and they will get through this betrayal, but what’s more important is that they learn from what happened. Say what? Learn from what happened? How on earth is it their fault that someone spread a rumor about them? Consider this; there was a quiet voice that allowed your teen to put up with some of the stuff this “friend” did. Your teen used this person as well to not sit alone in the cafeteria, to have something to do on the weekend or to make themselves look better to other upperclassmen. Whatever the reason, the result is your teen compromised traits they preferred in a friend in order to not feel so lonely at school.

Remind your teen that the goal isn’t to have tons of friends or somewhere to sit in the cafeteria, the goal is to find people who make you feel better after hanging out with them, smarter because you learned something from them and if your teen is lucky enough to have the kind of friend who would bail you out of a Mexican jail then one friend is all you need.

The Teen Posse’s Character

teendoc — Mon, 30 Jan 2012 11:00:24 +0000

Who ya wit? They say if you’re the smartest person in the room then you need a new room of folks.

Maybe it’s not true one hundred per cent of the time, but most of the time when you want to know someone’s character a good bet is getting to know who they hang around. It’s hard not to have the bad habits (or the good habits) of others rub off on your teen. This is true even if your teen isn’t that kind of person in their heart. This is probably why it’s so easy to ruin a politician by showing a picture of them hangin’ out with a less than honest supporter. Your teen likewise is held to the same standard based on who they associate with.

You can tell me all day you didn’t smoke that joint because you smell like the joint your friend was smokin’ I may believe you, but the cops, the school official who found the weed in your back pack well, that’s another story.

Your Teen Got Character?

The First Teen Friend

teendoc — Fri, 08 Jan 2010 11:30:51 +0000

It can be very frustrating trying to meet new people and make friends. This is especially true as teens transfer into new schools, new cliques and new social situations. Not everyone is sincere, loyal or worthy, but your teen doesn’t always know that and so their just frustrated.

One thing your teen should consider in the in their quest for friends is how much they value themselves. Without valuing themselves and having a criterion for what makes a “good friend” for them, the road to friendship can be a very bumpy.

Before you side with your teen on any friendship that is over before it started, ask your teen about the message they are sending about how they want to be treated. Do they let anyone stand them up? Does the group walk all over them? Do people in the group make them the butt of their joke? Is your teen the gopher of the group; Always being given the task of running errands for everyone? If there is a project does your teen get stuck holding the bag while everyone else just puts their name on it? It makes sense if others see your teen treat themselves this way, others will also see nothing wrong with treating your teen this way.

Your teen teaches people how to treat them, so they need to walk into social situations with a relatively high standard. This is an act of self love and appreciation that we can only expect from others when we have the good sense to give it to ourselves.

Bullying Friends, Or No friends?

teendoc — Wed, 23 Dec 2009 11:30:19 +0000

It is very difficult for a parent to consider that their teen has no friends. They see them doing things alone and not part of any crown how much more the “in crowd.” They look so lonely. Sad?

If you had the opportunity to talk to this teen, they might tell you that they don’t mind. The pool of friends they had to decide from would not make them proud to call them their friends. They didn’t want friends that bullied, cheated, bragged about bad behavior, etc.. They made the mature decision to learn to be alone and wait until someone good, better came along. What an incredible amount of self-awareness and conviction this takes. Your teen will not know this if you are always looking at them with puppy dog eyes.

Take a moment to consider what your teen has just told you about the person they are. They have integrity and refuse to be with people who are not up to their standard. They are not followers; they are independent thinkers and can make a decision about what is right and wrong. What admirable traits to see in your teen. Aren’t these the traits that you were trying to encourage? Don’t back out now because they seem lonely.

Your teen will look at your reaction to their behavior, their thoughts, their style. If they are passionate about it they may have to make a decision to forgo even your opinion, but deep down your teen would like your approval. So instead of the alternative, your teen hanging out with these negative teens, your teen made a decision to be their own person. If they can do it in this context, can imagine the decisions they will make when the choice is about drugs or sex? They don’t look so lonely now do they?

Who Is Your Teen Hanging Out With?

teendoc — Fri, 11 Dec 2009 11:30:29 +0000

You become who you hang around. When your teen hangs around unmotivated people, they can become unmotivated. If they hang around successful people, they learn how to be successful and they become successful. The influence of people your teen chooses to hang around can be powerful. It can inspire your teen, or stifle them.

On some level your teen knows this already. The most significant time to figure this out is probably freshman year in high school. They are trying to figure out their group or clique and they will give up something about themselves to do this. Some will give up working hard in school in order to keep up with all the socialization venues, or they begin to date and realize how time intense it is. Something will suffer and it is frequently their grades, which drop like a brick.

Ask your teen, “Who are you with? Who are those people? How do they inspire you? Do they bring out the best or worst in you? How do you feel when you’re around them? Are you proud or concerned that you’re not able to be yourself and relax? Are you happy when you’re with them? If you were in trouble, could you depend on them?”

You want to see your teen happy. It’s painful to see them struggle with their relationships, but when your teen seems to be acquiring traits that are so unlike who you know them to be, take a moment to gently ask some of the questions I listed above. You can express concern without judgment. Your teen feels loved when you are concerned. They feel belittled and unsure when you are judgmental.

Ask the questions above and then tell them, “When you’re with people, pay attnetion to how you are feeling and ask yourself those questions.” Your teen can develop the problem solving skills to question their own relationships. This way they get a better understanding of who they are, their sense of self and whether they want to be associated with their current friends. Your teen should be choosey. They’re worth it. They’re future depends on it.

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