TheTeenDoc.com » teen love relationships

Self Worth, Priceless

teendoc — Fri, 18 Nov 2011 11:00:49 +0000

Have you ever tried breaking up with someone you still cared about? How about not even getting to first base because your teen realized that person was no good for them. Remember, you really like this person. Talk about cajones.

I often tell teens they should know what they want and how far they want to go sexually before they’re sitting next to someone. Why, because it’s really hard to make that decision while someone has their tongue in your ear. Try it. See how far you get. You have to have cajones to realize it’s a bad situation and walk away at that point. Yet if your teen can do it, they’ve got something that few people have. A feeling of self-worth. When you let people treat you horribly, the only person your teen can blame is themselves. You may have your teen’s back, but the only person who can really stick up for your teen is your teen. Sitting on the porch with your shot gun won’t do anything if the culprit already has your teen’s shirt off or pants down in the back seat of a movie theater. When your teen can have clarity in that type of situation, they have a good sense of what they want in a relationship. This is at least a good start of what they want because it’s hard to know some things until you have dated awhile.

Your teen can ask themselves how many times should they be stood up before they understand someone’s intention is not to go out on that date. How many times should they be left waiting for a call before they understand the person didn’t intend to call in the first place and how many times can they offer an invitation to be asked to prom only to over hear the person has asked someone else before they understand that person isn’t thinking much of them at all. The answer is zero by the way. These times result in your teen asking how much do they value themselves that they would be stood up, not called and ignored before they consider they are worth more than that. This is asking a lot of some forty year olds how much more your teen, but if your teen gets it earlier…watch out world! I see a young adult who knows what they’re worth.

Know Your Worth

Whatever YOU Want, Babe

teendoc — Fri, 08 Apr 2011 11:00:24 +0000

Do you like football? “Yes, I loooove football!” Hey do you wanna come to this horror movie? “Yes, I loooove horror movies.” Later that day when you realize your daughter is going to a horror movie you find it hard not to question, “Why are you going to a horror movie? You HATE horror movies!”

Oooo how hard it is to be yourself when you really like someone and want them to like you. Your daughter knows she hates horror movies, but the guy she never thought would show an interest in her just asked her. Did she really have another choice? Yep!

She’s trying to figure out who she is. She can walk through this one and ask to sleep with you tonight, but help her question whether it was worth it. Hopefully she will figure out the guy isn’t worth it if he won’t do something she likes too to get to know her. Maybe eventually she’ll have enough confidence in how cool she is to say, “Hate ‘em, but I love a great comedy. There’s one out that is getting rave reviews if you’re interested.”

Will You Marry Me?

teendoc — Thu, 28 Jan 2010 11:20:43 +0000

There was a time when teens that were seriously dating got married after high school. They married their “high school sweetheart.” Promising to grow old with someone as a teen is quite a gamble, maybe not impossible, but it is a gamble that the person will share your interests when they are finally an adult. Some manage it. After all, Jon Bon Jovi has been married to his childhood sweetheart, Dorothea, for the past 20 some odd years.

Marrying someone as their 18 year old self makes a very big assumption about who their 30 or 40 year old self will be. The 30 year old version may be more sophisticated, need different emotional support from their relationship or simply develop different interests from their 18-year old self. This is that “we’ve grown apart” observation.

For this reason, it is difficult for you to see your teen so committed to one person or believe they are going to be together forever. There is still so much maturing to do that they can easily grow apart from this current partner by the end of the semester, how much more five, ten or twenty years down the road. Still, it is better to provide nonjudgmental support.

Your teen will figure this out, but in the meantime, don’t ruin their party. Let them enjoy the moments of romanticizing their future with this person. They are trying love on for size. Certainly be sure that they are safe during this experience (birth control, reproductive health, etc.). This is part of their sexual development and learning what love feels like for them. Let them try it on and see how it fits for them and they may or may not experience the heartache that goes with this kind of love, but that too will teach them something. Because that’s the way love goes…

Don’t Forget Your Teen When You Re-marry