If your teen has a problem like poor grades, it helps to break it into little goals. The immediate goal may be getting up early so they arrive at school on time. There is a sense of accomplishment in achieving these little goals. Only your teen understands what a big deal having overcome these tiny obstacles is.  Little goals are great practice for setting the big ones that may initially be overwhelming, but it just takes the first step or the first level of goals. This builds confidence for the next level of goals. It may look something like this.

Your teen wants to be on the baseball team, but doesn’t have the grades to do so. The goal is to get on the baseball team and they may start by doing all of their HW assignments and showing up for all classes. This raises their grade significantly, but they still need to work hard. They buckle down and study for quizzes that improve the overall grade and this improves their GPA enough to be on the baseball team; little goals then the big ones. Your encouragement and pride and more importantly their pride in their small and big accomplishments are a huge confidence builder that let’s them know they can do it.

This is a great problem solving skill your teen can learn so they are not overwhelmed to the point of paralysis. Yep! If they can do the small ones like walking up a mountain takes one step at a time, before they know it they’ll be able to turn back and look at how all the little goals got them to achieve very big mountain of a goal they never thought they could accomplish and that can be powerful for a person who doubts themselves.

Related posts:

1. Your Goals For Raising Your Teen Are?
2. Start Small With Your Teen
3. The Importance of Gratitude

Whatever you do, don’t make it about the money not even to pay for rent. Let your teen in their discovery of what their passion is define success on their terms. Be open-minded enough to appreciate that this may not mean college (that’s a hard one sometimes).  Instead make it about their passion.

“I think it’s the passion for what you do, and you finding something that’s really, that you…uh, can be true to.  Something that’s really close to who you are as a person.” –Jay-Z on Oprah

Your goal, expose them to what their passion might be. This is your teen’s job to discover who they are, what they want to be, their identity. They come to this discovery slowly, and need your help to focus. Your best help is in removing your expectations (this is also a hard one). Here are some ideas:

1. Talk

Talk about what they enjoy even if it’s something they do in their spare time. Ask, “What do you like about it?” “How does it make you feel?” Have your teen talk to people already doing what they would like to do and if they don’t know anyone, let their fingers do the walking and leave a message or write a letter asking for mentorship.  Also talk about what you do and nevermind if it isn’t your passion.  Tell your story. Teen’s look up to their parents and the job may mean more to them than it does you.

2. Immersion

Get photos from magazines or poster stores that illustrate what your teen loves. Tony Hawk at the skate park or Louie Armstrong on the trumpet.  Hang these images in their room. Include biographies and autobiographies or listening to interviews on the people who have done what your teen wants to do. A show like, Inside the Actors Studio is a great resource for stories of struggle and making it. Your teen will realize how hard these people worked to get where they are. This is easy to forget when your teen is looking at the cover of a glossy magazine.

3. Dream

Buy a composition notebook for your teen and tell them, “This is your Book of Dreams.” they need to write down the dreams. If they want to be a restaurateur, write down the name and how it looks, what the restaurant looks like, the color of the tablecloths, what the waiters are wearing. Design the menu and what the meals are. What the hostess looks like, what s/he’s wearing? Be specific. Your teen has to know what their success looks like to know how to get there.

4. UNNegativity

“I know it’s probably not going to happen, but…” This can’t be said. It’s like the universe will hear them and hold back on the opportunity. Certainly everyone will not be a Michael Jordan, but hard work can get you a lot of places. Ask Oprah, Bruce Springsteen, Jay-Z, Prince, President Barack Obama, First Lady Michelle Obama, etc. These people had high hopes, but it’s not clear they dreamed the dream as big as it became. It doesn’t hurt to be positive so follow the dream and see where it leads.

Related posts:

1. 4 Tips on Compromise for Teens
2. 4 Tips to Teen Parenting in Bad Times
3. 6 Helpful tips about Teen Grief