Sometimes your teen can want something so badly they can’t see straight. They want it that bad. You tell them they should work hard for it. Great advice.
It’s not just about working hard for it. It’s also about being able to walk away from it. The truth is that even though it seems like your teen will just die if they don’t have this or don’t get to do that, the truth is they never die. Nothing bad happens save their amazing disappointment. I’m not underselling their disappointment because this is huge they didn’t get into the school they wanted or they didn’t get the win they wanted. It can hurt like the dickens, but the disappointment never kills them. Now imagine they wanted this thing very badly, but somehow they felt that it was desired, but not essential to their very breath. All of a sudden, the win is awesome, but the loss, the disappointment is not as life altering because understanding that it is not the end of the world, being able to walk away allows your teen to know they will be alright no matter what. This is important whether it’s the person they wanted to be interested in them, the school they wanted to get a scholarship for or the career they thought they would enter.
I know your teen really wants it and I know it will feel like they are going to die if they don’t get it, but I also know that when you want something so badly it has control over your life that makes you a slave to that desire. When you are able to handle the disappointment of not getting it, your teen has peace no matter what. They know they’ll be okay no matter what.