How Teens being Kind leads to Adult Happiness
Teens have a knack for being selfish. They aren’t trying to be rude or intentionally unthoughtful, they’re just into themselves. It’s all about them and this is developmentally appropriate. Although appropriate, it’s still frustrating when they forget to call when they’re out late or don’t take out the garbage, but maybe they’ll remember next time. I feel teen life is practice for being an adult and if we can teach that these tasks are more than just trying to annoy them, but practice for being an adult, we can get them to remember to complete these tasks. It’s all about how you look at it, spin. So, what does remembering to take out the garbage have to do with being an adult, how much more a happy adult?
We ask teens to be kind or do for others through even seemingly small acts like helping your aunt with childcare or sitting with your grandmother who is visiting. These acts in and of themselves are nice even if they take time from their socializing and video games, but what we hope they get out of it is the feeling of having been appreciated which begins the cycle of sharing your talents with the world and teaches that it is better to give than it is to receive. You can tell someone it will happen, but until you have been in the position to receive someone’s gratitude for work that you have done well, it seems like hocus pocus. I think this is why Oprah is always giving people stuff.
When we ask a teen to figure out what they want to do with their lives, we are asking them to figure out the talent they want to share with the world that will return that sense of value, usefulness and pride in their work. You are not always paid a lot of money, but the reward of doing something you love frequently pays off in spades. The money will come and this makes kindness, the root of happiness.
Instead of asking them to remember their “chore,” let them know how helpful they are and how much you appreciate it. When they complete the task (don’t overdo it), but honestly let them know through your words and actions, “Hey thanks for doing that. Now, I have time to do something fun with you or simply hang out stress-free and listen to you explain your day, or drive you to the mall.” You have made them less of a “slave” and more of a team member who is useful and appreciated. That feeling goes a long way to creating a desire to do things not just because they are told to, but because it allows them to be useful and contribute. When teens do the work of figuring out the passion or talent they will share with the world through acts of kindness, they won’t view it as a “job” that pays the bills, but their contribution to the world. And this act of kindness makes you a happy adult.
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