Counseling Services San Mateo California

TheTeenDoc offers many types of counseling services to residents in the San Mateo California region. We also offer a large library of blog content surrounding mental health therapy for you to read through as reference.

March 3 2023

Understanding Parental Alienation and Its Impact on Families

Dr. Adekemi Oguntala Divorce Counseling, Family Counseling, Teen Counseling 0

As parents, we all want what’s best for our children. We want them to be happy, healthy, and to have a positive relationship with both parents. Unfortunately, there are times when parents may intentionally or unintentionally sabotage the relationship between their child and the other parent. This behavior is known as parental alienation and it can have a devastating impact on families.

What is Parental Alienation?

Parental alienation is a process by which one parent manipulates a child’s thoughts and feelings towards the other parent. It can take many forms, such as making negative comments about the other parent, withholding contact or communication, or even lying to the child about the other parent. This behavior can be intentional or unintentional, but the impact on the child and the family can be profound.

The Impact of Parental Alienation on Children

Children who are victims of parental alienation may feel confused, anxious, and torn between their parents. They may feel like they have to choose sides or that they are being forced to reject one parent in order to please the other. This can lead to long-term psychological and emotional issues, such as depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem.

The Impact of Parental Alienation on Families

Parental alienation doesn’t just impact the child, it also impacts the entire family. The targeted parent may feel hurt, angry, and powerless to change the situation. The alienating parent may feel justified in their behavior and may refuse to acknowledge the harm they are causing. This can lead to ongoing conflict between the parents, which can further harm the child and create a toxic family environment.

How to Address Parental Alienation

If you suspect that your child is being subjected to parental alienation, it’s important to take action. Here are some steps you can take:

Seek professional help: Consider reaching out to a therapist or counselor who can help your family navigate this difficult situation.
Document the behavior: Keep a record of any behavior that you believe is contributing to the parental alienation.
Be proactive: Take steps to maintain your relationship with your child, such as sending cards, letters, or small gifts.
Don’t retaliate: It’s important to remain calm and avoid retaliating against the other parent, as this will only escalate the conflict and harm the child.

In conclusion, parental alienation is a serious issue that can have a long-term impact on families. If you suspect that your child is being subjected to parental alienation, it’s important to take action and seek professional help. By working together, you can help your child maintain a healthy and positive relationship with both parents. If you are in need of help with parental alienation, divorce counseling or family counseling. please contact Dr. O TheTeenDoc for a free consultation at dro@theteendoc.com or call 650-762-9069.

March 1 2023

The Power of Business Coaching: Unlocking Your Potential”

Dr. Adekemi Oguntala Business Coaching, Counseling Services San Mateo California 0

What is Business Coaching?

Business coaching is a process of providing guidance and support to entrepreneurs, business owners and business leaders. It involves working with a trained and experienced professional who can help individuals achieve their goals, overcome obstacles, and improve performance. A business coach typically works one-on-one with clients to identify areas of improvement, set objectives, develop strategies, and implement action plans.

The role of a business coach is to act as an advisor, mentor, strategist, guide, and accountability partner all at once. They offer valuable insights into industry trends and best practices that can help entrepreneurs, business owners and executives stay ahead of the curve. Additionally, they provide feedback on critical issues such as marketing strategies or employee management techniques that contribute to improved operations.

Business coaching has become increasingly popular in recent years due to its effectiveness in helping businesses grow faster than they normally would on their own.

Benefits of Business Coaching

The benefits of working with a business coach are numerous and can have a significant impact on both personal growth and organizational success.

One of the primary benefits of engaging in business coaching is gaining clarity around your vision, goals, and priorities. A skilled business coach can help you assess your strengths and weaknesses, identify opportunities for improvement, and create an actionable plan that aligns with your unique circumstances. With an objective perspective, a business coach can provide valuable insights into industry trends, market conditions, and other factors that may impact your performance.

Another key advantage of working with a business coach is access to personalized support tailored to your individual needs.

Types of Business Coaches

Business coaches come in all shapes and sizes, each with their own unique approach to helping clients achieve success.

Firstly, there are general business coaches who can help you improve a wide range of skills related to running a successful enterprise. They typically work with entrepreneurs at any stage of the journey – from aspiring business owners just starting out to seasoned executives looking for fresh perspectives. These coaches provide an objective viewpoint on your company’s operations and offer strategies for growth.

Another type of business coach is industry-specific. These coaches have deep knowledge about a particular sector, business niche or vertical, such as finance or technology, and can provide specialized advice relevant to that field.

What to Look for in a Coach

How do you know which coach is right for you? Here are some key things to look for when choosing a business coach.

One of the first things to consider is their experience and track record. Look for a coach who has worked with businesses of similar size or industry as yours, and who has a proven track record of helping clients achieve growth and success. Secondly, communication style is crucial in any coaching relationship. You want someone who will listen attentively to your needs, be responsive to your questions, and communicate clearly and effectively. Lastly, consider their approach to coaching – are they results-oriented? Do they focus on action steps rather than just theory or general advice?

Conclusion: The Value of Business Coaching

One of the primary reasons that business coaching is so valuable is because it provides a fresh perspective on problems and challenges. Often, when we are deeply embedded in a situation, it can be difficult to see things clearly or objectively. A business coach can help us step back from our circumstances and gain clarity about what we want to achieve and how we can get there. Additionally, a coach can bring expertise in areas where we may lack knowledge or experience, helping us develop new skills and strategies that will enable us to succeed. If you are considering a business coach, reach out to Dr. O to see if she is a right fit for you- dro@theteendoc.com or https://theteendoc.com/contact.

February 27 2023

Ketamine Therapy: The Breakthrough Treatment for Depression?

Dr. Adekemi Oguntala Counseling Services San Mateo California, Ketamine Therapy 0

Depression is a devastating illness that affects millions of people worldwide, often leaving them feeling hopeless, powerless, and without any effective treatment options. But with the advent of ketamine therapy, there is now a breakthrough treatment for depression that is offering hope to those who have tried everything else and failed.

Ketamine therapy is a type of treatment that involves administering low doses of ketamine, a fast-acting anesthetic, to help alleviate symptoms of depression. It has been shown to provide rapid and effective relief to those suffering from major depressive disorder (MDD), treatment-resistant depression, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and other mood disorders. In fact, ketamine therapy is considered one of the most promising breakthrough treatments for depression, with a growing body of research supporting its efficacy.

How Does Ketamine Therapy Work?

Ketamine works by blocking the neurotransmitter called glutamate in the brain, which is responsible for regulating mood, memory, and other cognitive processes. This blockage of glutamate leads to the release of other neurotransmitters, such as dopamine and norepinephrine, which are known to be involved in regulating mood. Additionally, ketamine triggers the growth of new neural connections, which can help to improve cognitive function and reverse the effects of depression.

What Makes Ketamine Therapy a Breakthrough Treatment for Depression?

The primary advantage of ketamine therapy over traditional antidepressant treatments is its rapid onset of action. Unlike traditional antidepressants, which can take weeks or even months to start working, ketamine therapy provides relief within hours of administration. This makes it an ideal treatment option for those who are in crisis and need immediate relief from their symptoms.

Another advantage of ketamine therapy is its ability to treat treatment-resistant depression. Many people who have tried multiple antidepressant treatments without success have found relief through ketamine therapy. This is because ketamine works differently than traditional antidepressants, targeting different neurotransmitters and pathways in the brain.

What are the Benefits of Ketamine Therapy for Depression?

Some of the benefits of ketamine therapy for depression include:

Rapid onset of action: Ketamine therapy provides relief from depression symptoms within hours of administration.
Effective for treatment-resistant depression: Many people who have tried multiple antidepressant treatments without success have found relief through ketamine therapy.
Low risk of side effects: Unlike many traditional antidepressant treatments, ketamine therapy has a low risk of side effects, making it a safe and effective option for many people.
Long-lasting relief: The effects of ketamine therapy have been shown to last for weeks or even months, providing sustained relief from depression symptoms.

Is Ketamine Therapy Safe for Everyone?

Ketamine therapy is generally considered safe for most people. However, it is important to speak with a healthcare provider to determine if ketamine therapy is the right treatment option for you. Some people, such as those with a history of substance abuse or a high risk of addiction, may not be good candidates for ketamine therapy.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs) about Ketamine Therapy for Depression

What is ketamine therapy and how does it work?

Ketamine therapy is a type of treatment that involves administering low doses of ketamine to help alleviate symptoms of depression. It works by blocking the neurotransmitter called glutamate in the brain, which is responsible for regulating mood, memory, and other cognitive processes.

What is ketamine used for?

Ketamine is primarily used as an anesthetic in hospitals. It s also used to manage pain and to prevent nausea and vomiting during surgery or other medical procedures.

How does ketamine alleviate symptoms of depression?

Ketamine works by blocking the neurotransmitter glutamate in the brain, which is responsible for regulating mood, memory, and cognitive processes.

How effective is ketamine?

Ketamine has been used to treat depression since the 1960s and is a proven treatment for some people.

How much does ketamine cost?

The cost of ketamine therapy depends on insurance coverage and where you live. Many insurance providers cover the cost of ketamine therapy. If you don t have insurance or your plan doesn’t cover it, you may be charged a copayment or coinsurance for each dose.

How long does ketamine take to work?

Ketamine therapy can take up to three months to begin working.

How is ketamine given?

Ketamine is delivered by a healthcare professional through an IV drip over the course of about 30 minutes.

About the Author

Dr. O “TheTeenDoc” is Physican coach, blogger, consultant on teen medicine and physician issues at TheTeenDoc located in San Mateo California. Her specialties include consulting, coaching, counseling, mental health, research, seminars, spanish, public speaker, teaching, communications between teens and adults. She can be reached at dro@theteendoc.com or by calling 650-762-9069.

January 14 2023

Infidelity: A Red Flag for Emotional Immaturity not Just Betrayal

Dr. Adekemi Oguntala Counseling Services San Mateo California, Divorce Counseling, Marriage Counseling 0

Marriage is a contract of promises that people make to each other. We have romanticized these promises to be about love and happily ever after, but this is only because we do not consider the two people coming together. A contract is only as good as the paper it is written on and rarely are we aware enough to discuss the expectations we have that are not written down when we are dating someone. Because no one has taught us the importance of knowing ourselves, we do not know we are the kind of person who can hurt someone else through acts that renege on promises to our partner.

One of the promises that can make it hard to continue a relationship is infidelity or adultery. The betrayal of emotionally or sexually going outside the relationship to get needs met can feel devastating to the spouse that has been cheated on or betrayed. The spouse that is cheated on feels like they are not good enough because they were not able to keep the emotional or sexual attention of their partner. There can be feelings of unlovability or worthlessness as the betrayed partner scans their mind for what happened to make them less desirable. This sadness about who they think they are, e.g. old, boring, overweight, etc can make them feel like they are in a position of weakness. That they are less than the person their partner turned toward for emotional or physical comfort. This feeling of weakness is what makes the betrayed partner eventually less sad and more angry in order to end the feeling of powerlessness associated with sadness associated with the betrayal.

The betrayed partner can blame themselves for not listening to any hunches or feelings they had. They can wonder about the times that things did not line up and they felt odd and chose to trust someone they thought would not and should not lie to them. The betrayed partner can review moments and see where they gave up their power by not trusting themselves because they were too afraid it would mean that a break up would leave them alone never to be loved again. This is where the anger comes in that can be directed towards a partner, but is really about protecting the betrayed spouse from at least two complicated emotions. The first is protection from admitting they trusted someone who did not deserve that trust and the second is being too afraid to trust themselves leaving themselves to be taken advantage of. Trust is what makes us feel safe with someone, but it is not about trusting someone else, but trusting ourselves and listening when we pick up that the other person is not trustworthy.

Trusting someone means that we know they will show up consistently and reliably in our lives when we need them. This does not mean they should be everything that we need emotionally or physically. It also does not mean that we cannot provide emotional or physical needs we may have for ourselves. Having someone we can depend on, does not mean we should stop depending on ourselves. This is where our own thoughts, values and beliefs become important to being an individual in the team of marriage.

By knowing ourselves well, we become a source of emotional strength for another person by stating our disagreements which helps them see the views of others. This can create an opportunity for being open minded and makes room for empathy, compassion and connection to others that are not like us. It is this ability to know ourselves that can reveal the disparate values that someone has whether it is a parent, spouse, or friend. We lose our ability to do this when we are not able to know who we are in a relationship that we have with anyone. This is what the anger means that develops after betrayal.

Our anger understands that we give up our opportunity to learn the weaknesses of someone with whom we are in a relationship when we become loyal to their point of view, values and beliefs and let go of our own. Anger acts like a protector of vulnerable emotions, and allows the betrayed person to set a boundary that was not set earlier so that they are not hurt again. Anger protects us from our own shame about not listening to our gut and doing something earlier. This complicated use of anger dismisses its power when we simply call someone bitter for being betrayed or someone bad for doing the betrayal. However, without looking at the anatomy of the process of anger, the betrayed spouse as well as the spouse who betrayed cannot learn what this broken promise of trust is there to teach each person whether they remain together or not.

I have had couples hear this as if they should break up, or I think they should break up, but what becomes more important than that is being able to emotionally break up so that each partner claims their emotional burdens that lead to the betrayal happening. For one partner it is the need for emotional and/or physical needs they were not aware of and for another partner it is the emotional and physical needs they had but either never expressed or never had met and felt they were powerless to do anything about it. We see our needs as a burden we place on others when we do not see ourselves as worthy of having those needs met. This is something that starts to happen long before there is an actual event of betrayal and even long before the marriage. This makes marital betrayal about our own emotional needs and not about the worthiness of another partner. This is an important part of the healing that needs to occur afterwards. This way future relationships do not suffer because of past incidents.

We cannot heal when we do not feel empowered to know our emotional and physical needs matter. We cannot know this when experiences of our lives tell us we are not worthy of asking for our needs to be met or being with people who feel our needs are as important as theirs and not more or less important. This is something that spouses do not realize when they come together to form a partnership. They have focused on the romanticized love of making the person feeling less alone or empty instead of how that feeling of loneliness and emptiness can make it impossible for anyone to meet that need when they cannot meet it for themselves. This, you can pick up in the first month of dating.

It is only by evaluating this process of understanding philandering that the betrayed partner can start to see that adultery is about not knowing the real emotional needs that lie within us and deserve to be met, which is what would let the betrayed spouse know that infidelity is not an issue about their being good enough or lovable enough, but marrying someone who did not know they were good enough or lovable enough either.

The person who betrays is not more powerful, but feeling equally insecure and the betrayal relationship no matter how minimal or severe the activity with the nonspouse is always about the other person and not the betrayed spouse. Therefore, it is important to view infidelity as an opportunity to learn about how your own insecurities have eroded your ability to trust yourself so it became more apparent that you were in a relationship with someone who was not emotionally aware enough to articulate what they needed so they would not have to attempt seeking resolution of these feelings outside the relationship in a negative way.

Infidelity is never about the person cheated on and always about the person who cheats, but the ripple effect is intense unlovability and worthlessness in the person who was betrayed. This event is about the universe asking you to do emotional work and not about whether you should stay or go.

January 11 2023

The Secret to Work Life Balance

Dr. Adekemi Oguntala Business Coaching, Counseling Services San Mateo California 0

The Secret to Work-Life Balance

What do you do when your job and your kids both need your attention? Work-life balance is a mathematical theorem that has yet to be solved. There are thousands of suggestions, but no one is saying there is a perfect solution. So maybe it’s time to consider the way we approach the issue.

Time. It cannot be produced. It is not something we make, but it is something that can be managed well. This is a very hard thing to do when there are a set number of hours daily. The income that allows you to take care of your kids requires a certain amount of hours and then there are the demands of the household that are required to physically take care of your kids. This is not an easy issue at all. But, if we look at it differently we might come up with a few solutions that work for most people involved.

We have long considered the “time” part of the phrase quality time, but emotional health awareness teaches us that it is not the time part, but the quality part that allows kids to feel seen and heard. We leave this part out of establishing meaningful connection in the life balance part. Because the objective is not physical time, but the quality of any time, the dilemma changes. Let’s consider what can make quality time. Gary Zukav introduced a simplistic but effective version of this through his book the Five Love Languages.

The Five Love Languages are Quality Time, Words of Affirmation, Gifts, Acts of Service and Touch. When you have a kid that does not like to be hugged and this is what you are always asking of them, then you are not using time well to connect with this child. This makes this child feel like you do not understand them and this is what makes it hard to have a connection with your teen or anyone.

Connection comes from loving someone the way they want to be loved and not in a way you are comfortable loving them. For the teen, this is a very selfish way of loving them because it considers your needs and not theirs. Another way to say this is that your need is to get a hug, possibly your love language is touch. So you always think to hug them when you are feeling lonely or exhausted. For the teen who will eventually catch on, they recognize that you are using them to get the hug that you need.

This can frustrate your teen so much that they will no longer be able to hide and this is when you will hear their protest through nonverbal communication by dodging the hug, verbal communication by shimmying out of your hug and saying no. Then, firm communication which is a low anger by whining or saying something sarcastic or even harsh. If a parent is not able to hear this type of relatively mild request, the needs of the teen get louder and there is an argument. This is also when you might hear, “You don’t understand me!” Here is the unconscious or unknown part by the parent. You may not hear the understand part. What you will hear is “No!”

No is another form of rejection. This is very important because since the hugs unconsciously came from a need you have to connect and this is your love language, you feel rejected. There are so many times this will remind the parent of being rejected by a parent, or caretaker when they were younger. Again, this is all unconscious. This is what makes the parent, who now has power in a way they did not when they were younger, punish, argue or evoke anger and the intense hurt of feeling unloved or rejected or unappreciated. So what comes out of the parent’s mouth is, you are so ungrateful. Why do you think you have all these things? You consider that you work so hard and this weighs on the work-life fit balance because we think the answer lies in less work life.

This is what makes the teen feel bad about what is happening to your relationship. They are equally sad about this, but they have no power or words to make you understand what you are really feeling, what they are feeling, what each of you is missing emotionally and how to repair it. That is a lot for a teen to know and express. So when a parent in frustration says they don’t understand their teen. You feel like you do everything and there is nothing more to give and you are so very tired, it can make you feel like nothing you do is right. It can make you feel hopeless and this is where the depression of having a teen comes from.

Anytime we do not feel like we are empowered in a situation, we are going to eventually avoid it, procrastinate it, ruminate about it so we can try and figure it out and when we can’t we resolve that since we do not know how to solve it, it cannot be solved. Because so much of what is wrong is not happening in this current time or being done by either party consciously, it is really hard to place blame somewhere. Unfortunately, since the parent has more power the blame inevitably is on the teen. So we start to see an increase in phone, video games, friends, isolation and no conversation.

Work-life synergy does not fix this. Therapy can fix this, but you have to be able to work with someone who can see the root of the problem and forms a great team with you and your teen. We cannot fix this problem by placing the teen only in therapy. Both parties have to learn new tools and gain more insight.

January 10 2023

Teens and Screen Time

Dr. Adekemi Oguntala Counseling Services San Mateo California, Teen Counseling 0

The Academy of Pediatrics recommends limiting screen time to about 2 hours and limiting it for children under the age of 2 years old. As a pediatrician that specializes in teens I would have used my knowledge of reading this line to recommend this parameter to your child. However, what we really know of medicine and recommendations is that they don’t work as a blanket statement, they are simply a guide. You have to consider the person in front of you and give them context to truly understand how something like screen time affects a teen. So I would ask you to consider the following situations.

One teen I worked with was doing online school because they were fascinated with stocks. They wanted to be able to do their stock trading while doing school. They had above average grades and were able to make their own income trading stocks. Is this someone I should limit their screen time to about 2 hours when they did both school and their business online. This was an example of me placing this teen in context.

When we get a good history and ask about what is going on for someone and what kind of time they are spending online, we gather more information. Teens who specifically use their phone to distract from emotions or escape their life are at higher risk for having the screen time be detrimental. This is not exactly because of what they are seeing online. If this were the case then the Academy of Pediatrics should just recommend that the images teens see of influencers be diverse in ethnicity, body type and academic pursuits and that they be held accountable for telling the truth. This would allow teens who were scrolling to see someone see a before and after photo of the make-up tutorial without a filter and that would be enough to see that the person was just like them and struggling. Instead, the APA chose to single out the device which can be a helpful tool as it was for the teen who wanted to be a fashion designer and used it to find outfits to copy versus presenting the device as a gateway drug to depression and anxiety.

What I am asking you to do is not consider this some conspiracy to get your teen hooked, but to consider that the phone, ipad or laptop is not the issue. It is a tool. A hammer can break someone’s toe or build a table. I want you to see that it depends on the skill set of the person using the hammer. Teens who would need any limit need it because there is something else going on for them. The phone, like friends, studying, or weight obsession becomes another way to distract from emotional pain. So when a parent calls me and says, I want you to help me with my teen they spend too much time on their phone. They do not realize they are saying, My teen is so depressed they just scroll through their phone in order to try and forget or escape into another world. There is a big difference.

Teens who feel good about themselves, will find something else to do and those who have emotional health skills will find self-care promoting things to do like go for a walk, be mindful, meditate, or watch something that would increase their emotional well being. But, the phone is like junk food. No one who feels bad about themselves says, I want broccoli. Noooo. They ask for pizza, chips and chocolate. Fat, salt and sugar. Why? There is a dopamine hit with these items. They literally make us feel better like they are a drug. This is the intoxicating effect to someone who doesn’t feel good about themselves before they pick up their phone.

When parents do not understand this, they misread the teens behavior and then make assumptions about the behavior and this unconscious parenting can make the behavior the enemy instead of a symptom or clue to a bigger issue. Please do not misunderstand. Pediatricians do this too. They give you handouts on limiting your teens screen time or how to get your teen off their phone like it is a simple issue and a universal solution. Their limited knowledge in behavioral medicine makes your pediatrician a better source to refer to mental health rather than to solve a mental health problem. The issue is they do not always recognize issues as a mental health problem. This can delay proper treatment and compromise the teen’s ability to function as well as family dynamic.

Early treatment is important, but if a parent or pediatrician makes this symptom of screen time about being a normal teen or oversimplifies the treatment as limiting the screen time to two hours, then the opportunity to understand what is happening for the teen is missed. The parent takes on the position of the authority figure whether it be the pediatrician that says this is just about limiting time or the society that dismisses it as normal rebellious teen behavior. The issue is much more important than that because no teen really wants to feel like they are so depressed and run down that all the energy they have is picking up their phone and letting their thumb move the screen. They too feel worthless and hopeless. They do this to distract from that feeling. They too dislike it so much. The real problem is they do not know what to do because they do not really understand what is happening to them.

Therapy is the answer to this issue. You can try and change it through authoritarian parenting by restricting the time for them in which case they learn to manipulate you to get their “drug” instead of using that energy to get better. So my advice is to look at screen time not as a one size fits all treatment, but a discovery of the teen you live with and be curious as to why they are numbing with a lot of screen time and yes this includes even if their grades are excellent.